Laugh: Do YOU speak toddler?

If you are a parent, you will find this video clip funny. While watching you will start to identify key phrases that you utter every day maybe once or twice to your kids. Then you will judge the language use, tone and lack of positive reinforcement of the rest of the phrases. Then you will realise you also often sometimes say these things out of desperation.



I once had a cute and squishy baby. Then one day I woke up and I had a TODDLER that bellows MINE! and NO! quite a lot… Up until recently, I thought I wasn’t doing too badly at this parenting thing. Let’s just say we are all currently undergoing an ‘important developmental phase’ (thanks Deb!).

I didn’t realise quite how many steps ahead of your child you needed to be to avoid the PARENT V TODDLER stand off (usually followed by the strop, throwing of toys and sometimes even a head butt ouch!). I took a Positive Parenting course last year so I knew this was coming, but smugly thought to myself at the time: My kid would never kick off like that, he eats anything I put in front of him and sleeps through the night… *eats humble pie*


Needless to say, the very helpful Positive Parenting handbook is being consulted daily and friends with toddlers have been texted with questions like: when X was 20 months did he also do XYZ when you did ABC? Or did you do EFG? And did you ever resort to LMNOP? So in the spirt of embracing this learning curve, I have made a list of my most common phrases to Gus nowadays. Because really, you’ve got to laugh at some of this!!! Typing this out makes me realise how ridiculous I must sound. Please note I am usually saying these whilst trying to count to 10 in my head and remain a tranquil mommy:


  • please don’t throw rocks into the house Gus! Come let’s put them back in the garden. ANGUS!
  • Careful with Leo’s tail. Gently! GENTLY!! Gus don’t pull Leo’s tail, that’s very sore for him ouch poor Leo. LET GO OF LEO’S TAIL NOW PLEASE 
  • Did you just make a poo in the bath? Yes that was meant to go in the potty. Yes poo. Now it’s going everywhere. Wow Gus what on earth did you eat today?!
  • Gus please don’t throw your pigs off the highchair. Yes now they’ve gone! Down. I thought you were playing with them? Now they have to stay on the kitchen floor and I have to stand on them trying to get around in this tiny kitchen! Nope they are staying on the floor now. End of discussion.
  • Come my Gus let’s go to the car. Okay you can go to the car on your bike but then you need to put the bike in the boot. Alright my Gus let’s go. Okay Gussy forwards. forwards. Come on let’s go out the gate. To the car, yes the car. Yes, dad’s car. [5 minutes later after Gus has been zooming around on trike, which he calls a bike]. Gus let’s drive now, time to put that bike in the boot. I’m going to count to three: oooone, twooooo, threeeeeeeee yay bike in the boot! thank you Gus what a big boy! Now where was I wanting to go again?
  • We DON’T throw food in this house!
  • Why are you playing with that? Who let you play with this thing!? Your dad needs to learn to say no to you grrrrrrrr!
  • *Gus gesticulating wildly at kitchen counter* Do you want your water buddy? *no!* Do you want your milk sippy cup? *no* Some apple? *no – starting to loose the plot, shakes head wildly – points to the rolling pin* Gus I really don’t want you to play with the rolling pin, you just end up hitting Leo with it. Let’s look for something else! *no* I’m sorry Gus, but I’m saying NO too. Where are your blocks? Let’s get some blocks!
  • Don’t hit leo with that stick! Where did that stick come from? Let’s go throw it in the bin, come with me it will be fun. Let’s go, let’s go. One, twoo three yay bye stick!
  • Gus what’s in your mouth? What are you eating? That’s a rock in your mouth – yuck come take it out quickly quickly sis Gussy! We only eat food Gus, not rocks okay? Do you want some apple?
  • Don’t hit mommy please my Gus. We don’t hit in this house. Dad doesn’t hit, mommy doesn’t hit and Leo doesn’t hit. Gussy is gentle and kind. Gus plays nicely.
  • Gus take that dog food out of your mouth!

And my favourite, showing Gus a photo of Brendon and I:

Who is in this photo Gussy?


And who else?


Not mommy? Where’s mommy?


Cheers buddy!