Hilarious conversations

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 [Warning: this post contains references to baby by-products]

Our baby is a whopping six weeks old today! He weighs 4.9 kg and has more chins than Jabba the Hut. He smiles broadly for us daily and loves to hold his rattle. The past six weeks have been awesome, scary, happy and terrible all rolled into one intense roller coaster that is parenthood.

Truth be told I don’t remember much of it…just fragments of conversations and vignettes that come to mind when I think back. I’ve blogged before about how funny my husband is…well fatherhood has turned him into an outright comedian (or maybe it’s an attempt to cheer me out of my sleep deprived grumpiness). Here are some things that I remember…as they would say in reality tv, here are the best bits:

Vignette #23823 – week 2

Me: Sing to him, it soothes him

Brendon: What’s that coming over the hill is it a monster, is it a monster?

Me: You can’t sing that to him Bren!

Brendon: What’s that coming over the hill is it a Gussy, is it a Gussy?

 

Vignette #23134245 – day 2 at home

Me: Here you change his nappy while I put in that lightbulb…

 

Vignette #348273498 – week 1

Brendon: You know what somebody needs to invent? A self cleaning nappy.

 

Vignette #56456456 – Bathtime, any day, with squealing naked baby

Brendon: Watch his neck!

Me: You watch his willy, he’s about to pee again!

 

Vignette #342382038 – week 4
Brendon: Have you gone to say hi to the new neighbours yet? I think their baby is due soon by the looks of it..
Me: No, I don’t want to scare her off by showing up in my current state. I might give away just how awful it can be. Ignorance is bliss.

 

Vignette #98310973192 week 1, day 3
Brendon: Should we have another baby?
Me:

 

Vignette #43423049123 – day 6 baby blues
Brendon: M, please don’t cry on the baby. Let me take him.

 

Vignette # 2320943 – early days euphoria and misguidedness

Me: I feel guilty that this parenting thing is so easy. Why do people have such a hard time? He just sleeps!

 

Vignette #79706086 week 1 day 4

Brendon: Seriously, we should think of having another one…

Me:

 

Vignette #9890712312 – bathtime, while changing the baby

Brendon: Twinkle twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are. Up above the sky so high…

Me: the world, not sky

Brendon: Up above the sky so high, you mother thinks she knows it all…twinkle twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are.

 

Vignette #90238102 – bathtime

Brendon and me: Gus MacDonald had a farm, hee hi, hee hi, ho. And on the farm he had a dog hee hi hee hi ho. With a woof woof here and a woof woof there. Here a woof, there a woof, everywhere a woof woof. Gus MacDonald had a farm, hee hi hee hi ho.

 

Vignette #4537342 Week 5, 5 am

Brendon: M I can’t hold him for much longer, he’s sucking on my nipple through my shirt and getting mad that nothing’s coming out.

 

Vignette #24234234 Week 4, 2:30 am

Brendon: M the baby is crying, are you going to get him?
Me: I’ve got him
Brendon: No you’re still in bed.
Me: Oh shit the baby! (jumps out of bed and runs to baby) I thought I was holding him but I was dreaming that I was there already but I was actually cradling my pillow!!!

Vignette #32423423  – any given day

Me: Where did I put my bloody phone?
Brendon: Ah you and your phone, you’re glued to it.
Me: Yes I am! The feeding schedule is on there, the baby monitor app is on there, and while I’m spending hours in the room feeding Gus I get to be part of the outside world through Facebook and whatsapp, plus I make lists and blog!

Vignette #1238129831 – yesterday

Brendon: What can I get you?
Me: Sleep.

 

* Post script: If you enjoyed this post, here is the sequel

  • Tiffany

    Rolling on the floor after reading this!

    • Marita

      :) thanks Tiff, I’m sure you have a whole trunkload of similar stories with your three gorgeous boys. Hope you and little Casey are doing well?

  • http://unpublishedworksofme.blogspot.co.uk/ Melissa

    Haha! These are fantastic. Many many belated congratulations on your precious wee arrival Marita. It sounds like both you and Brendan are taking to parenthood like fish to water! Maybe it’s time to think of having another one.

    You:

    Have a fabulous day and hope you manage to get some shut eye!

    • Marita

      thanks Melissa! Your blog is one of my favourite early morning ‘feed reads’ and helps to keep me awake! Hope you’re well and have a super time in SA…so jealous!

  • Seema

    Fantastic! I promise, it gets clearer, only the first 5 years are a blur :)

    • Marita

      LOL thank you Seema…at least I know what to look forward to :)

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