In December Brendon and I were married for three years. Quite appropriately, the day before our anniversary we attended the wedding of dear friends Sabrina and Andre (wow, aren’t they lovely!?). I will tell you more about their wedding in a future post – it was so special!
When you go to a wedding you can’t help but think about your own marriage and remember how you felt on the day that you exchanged your vows. I was lucky that my dad led this sermon and mentioned something that he had done at our wedding. I was reminded about the three fundamental viewpoints of a happily married couple. Funnily enough, I found some photos from the evening that illustrate these rather well!
As always, it’s never perfect and a work in progress with much to learn along the way.
Firstly, being happily married means standing side by side next to each other, shoulder to shoulder, facing in the same direction. Brendon and I don’t
ever always agree on small things, but it’s wonderful to know we absolutely concur on the big things, we know where we want to go with our business, we share big scary dreams and stand together raising our child. It’s so easy to take this for granted. I’ve learnt that sometimes our approaches might be different (and that can cause arguments) but that actually we mean the same thing – it’s just our unique expressions of opinion that can get in the way…like house chores for example
The next viewpoint is facing each other. Communicating, being present, enjoying each other’s company, having fun and dancing…in today’s world this also includes time away from mobile devices! I find myself reaching for my phone absentmindedly during conversation sometimes…and inevitably miss out, and disconnect. Gus can be incredibly distracting/entertaining too – he is always doing something funny or needing our focus. In itself, it’s not a problem but I do find myself forgetting to look Brendon in the eye and just ‘talking’ when Gus is around. This might have to do with being tired and keeping my head down while doing a menial chore…When I do look up it’s actually quite refreshing. I’m definitely going to make more of an effort with ‘face-to-face’ time this year.
And then finally, it’s about standing back and letting your partner go ahead of you, being gracious and watching them achieve or receive. And of course you have to take turns at this because if the one is always ahead then the other is a doormat…or might begin to feel like one. Brendon’s always been incredibly supportive of my career and always makes space for me to follow my dreams. I’m so lucky that he always responds positively to my big ideas…
Bren, thank you for still showing up (especially when I’m tired and have shouted at you to go away), for always seeing the humour in a situation, for digging in your heels when I’m obnoxious, for saying genuinely nice things about me to other people without any agenda, for being an awesome dad, for being the only person in the world who can tell me, with compassion, to ‘suck it up’ and not feel sorry for myself and definitely for knowing when to come home with Percy Piglets. You flipping rock.
*whatever it takes*
*All photos in this post were taken by the brilliant Brandi Hill. Check her out here